Well, I had planned to head out today via public transit to participate in the holiday insanity that is blatant consumerism. I've been putting it off for a while now - first, because it was too damn cold to venture out when we were all frozen like popsicles in a tray while hiding from the absurdly inhumane -30C temperatures (with -45C windchills) a couple of weeks ago.
That was followed by the pursuit of crochet for days on end in what has now become Grandma's Crafty Sweat Shop™ - working on an afghan for one of my grandherbs (who has everything but this blanket) with a cat firmly planted on my lap trying hard to eat the wool while giving me dirty looks for scolding her and then deciding to instead meow endlessly her demands for food, water, treats, catnip and whatever else she could think of to take me away from that Attention-Grabbing Blankie From Hell™ she deemed could no longer be tolerated. My other cat has been quite well-behaved throughout this. Apparently, he is not an insurgent in the War on Wool™.
And then, discovering that a mistake I made close to the beginning of the project has now thrown the entire blanket into disarray, I now have the option of ripping apart the afghan I've grown to despise or just retiring it into the bin of now growing projects I've started but never quite got around to finally fixing.
So here I am now, less than 2 weeks away from Xmas (yes, I intentionally took the Christ out of Christmas - take that, Bill O'Reilly) and I still have shopping and baking to do. Normally, that wouldn't be much of a problem. However, since my lupus and fibromyalgia - which I should really jointly refer to as 'Painapalooza', 'Holy crap! What else can hurt today??' or 'Just shoot me, already!' - have decided to act up in strange, new ways just to piss me off. I am this close to actually amputating my Mind-numbingly Painful Ankles™. I have no idea where this latest manifestation of the body terror that is my life came from. All I know is that the idea of actually walking anywhere now seems to be a massive feat (pun intended).
What? It wasn't enough that I was having shrieking headaches, stabbing fire in my left kidney, nerve pain from my neck that caused my arms to burn or a right shoulder that has also been screaming for Rub A535 too? Apparently not.
So, the idea of shopping and baking has suddenly morphed from Pleasant Holiday Activities™ to Nightmare on My Street™. No wonder my flannel pink pyjamas with their little, fluffy sheep have become my new best friend. But I can't exactly wear those to Canadian Tire™.
The irony in all of this is that I'm a Buddhist. I don't even believe in 'Christmas'. I'm an atheist. But I do the Xmas thing for my daughter, her mate and the grandherbs.
I talked to my daughter yesterday and went on (just a bit because I really don't like complaing about the state of my health - really) about how this new ankle pain was driving me absolutely nuts. However, as life is apt to do, I received a sobering reminder that there is always someone worse off than I am when she told me that her best friend's mom was told a few days ago that she might have lung cancer. Sigh...
I probably won't make it out today to get that shopping done but I will tomorrow - despite my troubles - keeping in mind that I have a lot to be extremely grateful for and that my pain may be overwhelming at times but at least it's not a death sentence.
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