How to Answer Questions About Torture

Do you believe in torturing people but are worried that, someday, you might find yourself in front of TV cameras being asked to give your opionion on the subject?

Well, for those of you who are uncomfortable admitting your pro-torture stance in public, the US Vice President's daughter, Mary Cheney, offers this way out:

KING: Gone, Atlanta. How do you feel about -- this question bothered many Americans -- the torture aspect?

CHENEY: You know, I am not an administration official. So I can't really speak on behalf of the administration.

KING: Just for yourself?

CHENEY: From my own perspective, I think that there are some pretty awful people out there who will stop at nothing to hurt this country. And I think you should be clear that we're not really talking about torture, we're talking about types of interrogation.

KING: You don't view it as torture?

CHENEY: No.

There you go. Simply follow Cheney's script and you'll be off scott free. She's obviously a very wise woman.

Oh - and for those of you who still believe that Dick Cheney is Darth Vader:

KING: What is the biggest misconception about him? What do we, the general we have all wrong?

CHENEY: The whole Dick Cheney is Darth Vader thing is pretty interesting to me.

KING: That's totally wrong?

CHENEY: I can say with complete conviction my dad is not Darth Vader.

Case closed.