Friday Fun

Courtesy of the Ponoka News police blotter:

Police received a complaint of an intoxicated man in the vicinity of the Scout Hall one cold and blustery night. The member taking the call asked the dispatcher if the complainant, who was still on the line, could provide a description of the man. After a moment the dispatcher returned and stated, “he’s the guy with his pants around his ankles and covered with snow.” “Ten-four control, I think he’s the guy shuffling up to my car now. In the back of my patrol car he sang a rousing chorus of ‘chestnuts roasting over an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your… ‘” (Then he ad-libbed his own off-colour adaptation to Bing’s lyrics ... you’ll have to use your imagination here)

The very next call was the same thing basically. The dispatcher summarized his callers complaint, “Man with pants around ankles fell down. Making snow angels now. Possibly intoxicated.” Upon arrival, we learned that he was all three of those things.

According to the Policeman’s Almanac, the arrival of winter is heralded by the first shift marked by multiple pantless-man complaints. The reason for this is that people drink beyond their capacity throughout the year and typically void their bladders wherever the urge strikes them. In the winter, however, when the urge presents itself, they are not only hampered by a lack of balance and co-ordination but also by cold fingers. Bad manners + cold hands = cells.