It's Banned Books Week in the US so grab all of your Harry Potter books and burn them in a bonfire lest they corrupt your innocent minds and turn you into witches. Everybody knows that witches should be stoned and/or burned at the stake. On second thought, scratch that. I think the new detainee bill just passed in the US congress would allow Bush to pick you up and torture you for practicing the witchcraft that those Harry Potter books promote if you go out and start a fire. You might just want to bury them. No. Wait. Considering the prevalence of surveilllance some FBI agent would probably catch you. I guess if you own Harry Potter books you should probably just turn yourself in. Yes, that would be best for you and all of the fragile minds that might be influenced by the evil that is Harry Potter. If you don't do it, your kids will because they know that's what a real patriot does.
Alrighty then - Captain Underpants?? Well call me Granny Subversive. I bought two of those books for my female grandherb last year. I have now contributed to her possible future incarceration and rebellion against the government by handing her such viciously dissident children's books that are sure to fry her brain. Please forgive me, grandherb. I just didn't know.
If you're a Canadian, you'd better print out this list of challenged books in Canada. Oh look - there's The Bible. Well, that's toast now too.
Okay. Got it now? Books are evil and you should stop reading them unless they are approved by conservatives because everybody knows that they will protect us all. And who needs to learn new stuff anyway? Everything you need to know, you learned in kindergarten. (I hope that book isn't on the list too or we're all screwed).
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