Ralph Klein continues to prepare for life after nearly 14 years as Alberta premier, confirming Thursday he has accepted another offer.
Klein said he will serve as a guest lecturer at the Woodrow Wilson International Center for Scholars in Washington, D.C.
The premier said he will be paid $5,000 US a month for the three-month term in the fall of 2007.
"Basically it's for retired politicians and academics," Klein said. "I'll talk about practical politics — street politics as I know it."
Ralph is already preparing a series of speeches about his 'street politics' methods which include:
1. How to get drunk and yell at homeless guys in a shelter.
2. How to throw books at legislative pages.
3. How to blow up hospitals.
4. How to kill people by holding back health care funding.
5. How to plagairize. (Although that speech may be canceled since so many politicians already have that down pat.)
6. How to call people "bums and creeps" and then get elected premier.
7. How to govern while drunk.
8. How to handle it when people find out you've been governing while drunk.
9. How to send poor people to other provinces.
10. How to undermine an education system.
11. How to keep big oil happy while decimating the environment. (To be co-hosted with Dick Cheney)
12. How to threaten to threaten to separate from your country if you don't get your way.
13. How to govern as an intellectually-inept good old boy. (To be co-hosted with George Bush)
14. How to govern as little as possible.
15. How to flip pancakes.
16. How to hoard money while children starve.
17. How to make poor people even more poor.
18. How to have an effective public tantrum.
19. How to pretend you know what you're doing. (To be co-hosted with Donald Rumsfeld)
20. How to make $5000/month without even trying.