How to be a Boneheaded Conservative

(Yes, I realize that phrase includes a built-in redundancy.)

Now then...let's review the past couple of days to provide Conservatives and their supporters a lesson in how real boneheadedness operates in Ottawa.

1. Announce an "economic update" in the midst of a global financial crisis.
2. Provide absolutely no stimulus to Canada's economy even though we're headed for a "technical" recession with a "structural" deficit while continually reminding people that you did stuff last year.
3. Take advantage of the national stage to strip rights away from women (no pay equity for you! Does that include Con cabinet ministers?) and workers (don't even think about striking! An old Ralph Klein idea). And throw a few dollars at seniors temporarily hoping they'll be dead in a year and won't notice that they'll still be shafted down the line anyway if they actually do survive that long.
4. And for the final coup de grace (there had to be something bilingual in there somewhere), end public financing of political parties (knowing that your party mainly benefits from private donors while leaving the opposition parties basically bankrupt, ).
5. Stand back, give yourself a big pat on the back and say you really did something today to help the average Canadian who's melting down in financial turmoil.

But wait! That's not all.

When you get wind of the fact that the Liberals aren't going to play nice this time by rubber stamping your..."creativity", shall we call it?...and that there are rumblings afoot about the formation of a coalition government ready and willing to vote your Conservative butts out of office on Monday, simply cancel any and all votes scheduled for that day and whine about how the Liberals and NDP really can't take that coalition ball and run with it, knowing full well that it's a legal possibility.

Sweat.

Stutter.

Call your mom.

Call Karl Rove.

Use that old cartoon line, "Curses! Foiled again."

And wait.

Because you know this time, they mean business.

(Are you having fun yet? I know I sure am!)

Stay tuned next week for more Conservative boneheadedness. You know they just can't help themselves.