Memo to Helena Guergis

Memo to Helena Guergis: If you want to be believed, try telling the truth. Don't rely on crocodile tears about how Stephen Harper isn't your BFF anymore; what a good Christian you supposedly are; tales about how you were working so hard that you had absolutely no idea what was going on in the rest of your life; how you "never" tried illegal drugs - oh, except for that time when you did; faux tantrum explanations like how you actually think airports are "hellholes" - not PEI (even though that's what you apologized for); lies (and there are documents to prove they are lies, Helena) about how your husband never used your office or your e-mail address for his business affairs; stories about how nobody told you why you were turfed except that you admit it had something to do with drugs and the TO Star story (allegations you denied after saying you didn't know what the allegations even were).

Need I go on?

Oh - one more thing: only a fool believes that their spouse would never do anything to hurt them. Happens every day. Wake up and smell reality.

And you don't get to use your tiny mouse child voice (hint: that annoying Meredith character on Grey's Anatomy is not a role model for strong women) to try to win sympathy - not when we know just how vicious you can be when you really want to. You're not fooling anybody who's ever paid any attention to your career.

But, let me add this (and this part is important): you keep fighting it out with Harper and his cronies in the press, in your riding, in the courts - wherever you feel like it - because politojunkies like me have stocked up on popcorn and will keep on munching as long as the Cirque de Helena and Rahim is in town.

Next act: PI Derek Snowdy testifying in committee on Wednesday. I may have to pile on extra butter for that one.